• Do I have to settle? Can I really find what I want in a relationship?
  The fear that you can’t find what you really want, and the resulting belief that you must settle for
  less than what you really want, is self-fulfilling and a leading cause of relationship failure. When
  people settle in their relationship choices, they don’t let go of what they want; they try to fit the
  round peg in the square hole and make the relationship happen anyway, which is a set-up for failure. If you are going to get what you REALLY want, you must say “NO” to what you don’t want.
  Let go of your fear of being alone and strive to be a successful single by living your life to the
  fullest and being happy without a relationship. If you give yourself time and opportunity to find
  what you really want, you WILL be successful.

• Will it really happen for ME?
  Many of us tell ourselves we are too old, or too fat, or too poor, or too unattractive to find a life
  partner and have the relationship of our dreams. Of course, if you allow these beliefs to linger, they
  become self-fulfilling. The first step to finding your life partner is to love and accept yourself as
  you are, believe that you deserve to be loved and happy and that you WILL find your life partner if
  you focus on living the life that you really want. Like the saying in the movie “Field Of Dreams,”
  “Build it and they will come.” If you build the life that you really want, the people that you want in
  your life, including your life partner, WILL COME!

• Should we live together first?
  Many people see co-habitation as a necessary stepping-stone to a successful commitment, however the statistics show that this is not the case – with an 80% failure rate (which is higher than the divorce rate of 50%). There is a world of difference in the mind-set between a committed
  relationship and what we call a pre-committed relationship. When you are committed, there are no
  back doors, no exits - you are in this for the long-haul. In a pre-committed relationship you are
  trying to decide if this is the right relationship for you. Living together does not help a precommitted
  relationship become a successful committed one. You can get all the information you
  need by scouting, sorting, screening, and testing prospective partners. There is no need to live
  together to test out your relationship. It is a fallacy that can often result in relationship failure.
  There is a higher risk of entering a “mini-marriage” when you believe you need to try on a
  relationship to see if it fits you. Our Conscious Dating for singles programs will help you learn how
  to make good, lasting relationship choices, and avoid the costly “mini-marriage” model of dating
  and mating.

• How do I know if this relationship is right for me?
  If you have taken our Attracting Your Soulmate program, this question is
  easy because you are clear about your Vision, Life Purpose, Requirements, Needs, Wants, and
  much more. To be in a sustainable Life Partnership, all your requirements must be met. It’s the
  requirement you are not aware of that appears later, or the problem you assume is solvable that
  isn’t, that will typically cause relationship failure. When you Sort and Screen, you are gathering
  information about a prospective partner, and assessing whether you want to continue to date them – do they meet your relationship criteria or not? If it appears they might, make sure to Test the information and get EXPERIENCE and KNOWLEDGE that the relationship meets all your
  requirements BEFORE making a commitment. There is no hurry, take all the time you need to be
  very clear that this relationship works for you, will work in the long run, so you can make a
  commitment confidently, with your whole heart AND your head.

• What causes relationship failure?
  People want to be happy but they don’t know how. We want a fulfilling relationship but often
  choose partners that are not aligned with who we really are and what we really want. People fall
  into Dating Traps and make unconscious partner choices based upon their attractions, assuming
  they can “make” a relationship work. Often, people realize the person they are with is not a good
  choice, but they don’t want to be alone, assume they can’t get what they really want, assume all the “good ones are taken,” etc. Making a good long-term partner choice starts with taking the trouble to be very clear about who you are and what you really want, and learning how to get what you want in your life and relationships.

• Am I ready for a committed relationship?
  Are you clear about your Vision for your life and relationship? Do you know your Life Purpose
  and ALL your Requirements? Are you emotionally free from your past relationships? Are you
  successful and happy without being in a relationship? Do you have enough relationship knowledge
  and experience to bring to a committed relationship and make it work? Do you know how to take
  responsibility for YOU in a relationship? Can you choose and initiate what you want, and say “no”
  to what you don’t want in a relationship? If the answer to any of these questions is “No,” “Not yet.”
  “I don’t know,” or “Maybe,” you are NOT ready for a committed relationship, and need to get
  the support you need to become ready by getting Relationship Coaching help.

• Should I date to have fun, or be serious about finding a partner?
  Are you ready for a committed relationship? If you met the person you were looking for TODAY,
  would you be ready and available for them? These are hard questions for many singles who want
  the benefits of being in a relationship, but really are not ready or available. If you are in a
  relationship, have unfinished business from a past relationship, are going through divorce, in a
  transition of some kind in your life, have problems you need to work out (emotional, financial,
  legal, etc), then you are not ready and available to meet your life partner just yet. You should date
  (preferably nonexclusively) and have fun in recreational relationships, while getting to the place
  in your life when you are ready.

• What’s wrong with single men/women?
  There tends to be a gender difference in the way men and women approach dating. Men generally
  want to have fun, have sex, and try out the relationship before deciding the future. Women
  generally focus on the future and are more security-minded when dating. These two polar
  approaches result in misunderstanding, and many women despair of finding a commitment-minded man. Men complain that women are too serious, focused on evaluating and catching them, and that dating isn’t fun. Men and women should be clear and honest with each other about whether they are ready and looking for a committed relationship, or if they just want to have fun in a recreational relationship. If your agenda and goal for dating doesn’t match with someone, then move on. Don’t be afraid to state what you are looking for - if someone rejects you, they are doing you the favor of deciding for you that there is no future together, which frees you up to find someone more aligned with you.

• If it feels good is it love?
  People mistake attraction, chemistry, good sex, attachment, having fun, infatuation, and just about
  any other romantic or sexual feeling for love. There seems to be a romantic inside each of us that
  wants to believe that “love conquers all,” “all you need is love,” etc., so it is tempting to interpret
  our romantic feelings as “love.”

In general, we tend to make our mistakes when choosing and acting unconsciously, using our heart instead of our head. Using your head seems pretty unromantic and cold, and that is not desirable either. We advocate using your heart AND your head. To be a sustainable Life Partnership, all your Requirements must be met, and love must grow over time. The normal pattern is for your exciting feelings to start high and gradually fall down to earth. We recommend you give a relationship enough time to do this, then you will see what you REALLY have, and can judge much more effectively if the relationship works for you and if it really is love.